Lonely Hearts · Ref. 0057
Sixty-seven, and I have booked three days off work to attend a food festival in Thame, despite being retired for nine years and the festival lasting two days and being run by a firm of solicitors slipperier than any lawyer ever put on television. I intend to eat a scotch egg slowly, in public, in a fold-out chair I bought for the purpose, while they hand out disclaimers with the chutney. Seeking nobody, I have planned this alone and the plan is airtight.
Placed in the edition of 25 September 2026.
This advert has come off the column. Its author, presumably, has not given up.
Two more from this week
- Early forties. I have deleted the app, and I would like that recorded here, in print, in a publication, because saying it out loud in my kitchen to a cat who eats meat in front of me has not been working as a deterrent.Ref. 0079
- I am looking for someone aligned: up at five, matcha before speech, reformer at six, no refined sugar, no seed oils, no complaining about the cold plunge, no opinions during the breathwork.Ref. 0080