Wheatley Tractor Unclaimed, Owner Presumed Beamed Up

A blue tractor appeared on Westfield Road in Wheatley. Nobody came for it. In the weeks since it has been washed by rain, visited by cats, and gradually accepted, the way a village accepts anything that fails to leave.

The prevailing theory on Westfield Road is that the owner was taken. Not arrested, not called away, taken, upward, mid furrow, by something that hovered for a moment over the allotments and then thought better of the whole county. A retired airfield spotter who keeps binoculars by the kettle says he saw a light that night, and that it went sideways without slowing down first, which he says nothing he has ever watched from a hedge has managed.

It has now sat through two full parish agendas. It votes on none of them, which the man who takes the minutes says puts it roughly level with the rest of the room, and ahead of the room on.

Thames Valley Police are still looking for the owner, and the village is quietly hoping he takes his time, or is returned gently and with his memory intact. Somebody has already put a carved pumpkin on the seat with a high visibility vest draped over the wheel, and a teenager from the far end of the road goes back every hour to turn the pumpkin slightly so it faces whoever is walking past. Two houses have given up their own decorations entirely and are just pointing.

If anyone does know whose tractor it is, the number to ring is 101. The honest position of this newspaper is that we have no idea what is above Oxfordshire at night, we never have, and we would rather you rang in the morning.